Hats off to two retailers for getting creative giving freebies to consumers in February.  Neither had a damn thing to do with the Vancouver Winter Olympics, but Americans have medals on their minds this morning.  (Sorry, lame attempt at SEO boost.)

Beauty school and products operator Aveda set up six-spigot water fountains in front of a half dozen of its Manhattan stores to give away, drumroll please, New York City tap water.  Tying into Mercedes Benz Fashion Week, Aveda partnered with the city’s Department of Environmental Protection to use fire hydrant water and branded water fountains to diss bottled drinking water.  Despite the fact that no one used the Fifth Avenue fountain while I stood by last week, I applaud Aveda for being creative.  Next time, they should design the fountains so they don’t look like autopsy tables.  They win silver!

Of course, gold goes to those smart purveyors of bagels at Einstein Bros. and their West Coast sister chain, Noah’s.  Starting with a Facebook fan count of 4,000, the company launched a “Schmear Campaign” application that first rewarded legacy fans and then new fans with coupons redeemable for a free bagel and cream cheese.

Einstein Bros. not only saw its fan base surge past 400,000 last week, the publicly traded company also benefited from earned media coverage. Anyone who doubts the PR value of social media should just shut up and eat a toasted everything bagel with lox spread.

BMW seems well on the path to getting homered.

With its eye on a California law requiring automakers to offer zero-emission vehicles (ZEV) by 2012, BMW is loading incongruous and, frankly, bizarre features into its  electric car — dubbed Project i — and getting feedback in focus groups of green-minded, tech-savvy consumers.

If the reaction of one focus group is any gauge, BMW will be challenged to make a go of this quirky, overstyled hatchback, which our facilitator hinted could be sold under as a BMW, Cooper Mini or under a new name.  There’s  industry speculation the company’s “luxury micro car segment” could make use of dormant BMW-owned nameplates like Triumph and Riley, or the just-registered trademark “ActiveE.”.

The scenario laid out by our opinionated moderator, Veronica, was that eco-minded residents of sprawling metropolitan areas would gladly plunk down their money to lease the car for a day, week, month, year — any increment of time.  (Did someone say ZipCar?)  They might be able to park for free, due to deals negotiated for ZEVs, and pop open the hatch to remove an optional fold-up mini bicycle, which is battery-assisted for those unable to pump their own pedals.

For some odd reason, the vision of the plug-in car and its two-wheeled offspring made me think of TV cartoon oaf Homer Simpson’s unsuccessful attempt to design an auto with bubble domes, shag carpeting, tail fins and cup holders large enough to hold the largest slurpees from the Kwik-E-Mart.  Because Homer was uncompromising on the design elements for his “regular guy’s car,” it was so expensive and ugly that it bankrupt the car company owned by Homer’s brother.

The range of the car would only be 100 miles on a single charge, and re-topping the battery would take up to six hours unless the owner purchased an optional speed charger, which reduces the time to an hour.  Those who want to spend more money could upgrade to a hybrid version, which includes a small engine capable of recharging the battery, which Car and Driver described as a water-cooled lithium-ion power pack.

Not one member of our two-women, four-man focus group was enthusiastic enough to buy the car.  One extremely thoughtful man — a 40-something guy who customizes cars — said he would rent a BMW City but only wanted to own performance cars.  Others commented on cramped interior space and expressed comfort and durability concerns if it was driven in a pothole-pocked New York City.

Despite billing the four-seater as a major advancement in technology, most of the tools touted in the car we discussed are already available on other models:

• iPod docking station

• Enhanced GPS to steer clear of traffic backups (TomTom, Magellan, Navigon, others)

• Solar roof panel to assist in powering electronics (2009 Toyota Prius)

• Ability to self-drive at very slow speeds  without crashing (Volvo and others)

• Bud vase (VW Beetle)

• Trunk in front (VW Beetle)

• Center-opening, B-pillarless doors (Nissan Foria & Lincoln Navicross concepts)

The carmaker’s stern employees, who policed the showroom floor inside New York’s Javits convention center, would not let us touch the car. (One focus group member later remarked the staffers guarding the car convinced her it was  made by a German company).  Yet the optional throw pillows in the back seat and expansive center console work desk were supposed to conjure up feelings of softness and driving around the city in your own living room.

Our group was shown boards touting items a network of Ikea and other designers.  A plan under consideration would give buyers very limited choices to pimp their ride at the point of purchase.  Instead, the automaker would stand behind a network of after-market suppliers of snap-in accessories — from seats contoured to various body sizes to Bang & Olufson speakers.  We laughed when one participant reminded us Ikea furniture breaks the first time you move it; another said Apple is the brand that would get this car sold.

Does BMW really plan to sell any of these cars in New York City, where mass transit is excellent and parking meter revenues are big business?  My guess is no.  Amplifying that is the curious timing of our focus group — Friday at 6:30 p.m. — when any of New York’s hundreds of thousands of observant Jews would be having their sabbath dinner.

If the BMW City is truly targeted for California’s cities, it might find a niche among affluent, brand-conscious greenies willing to trade their “Pious” for a new ZEV.  But the solar panel would be eclipsed by a surf board, bikes or snowboards,  and a trip north to San Francisco would require a three-day weekend with the base model’s 100-mile electric driving range.

Those material drawbacks in mind, I recalled a quote from the 2008 presidential campaign when our group was asked to comment on inconsequential accessories like throw pillows and green shag carpet samples. Despite the fact that they were made with recycled materials, they are simply lipstick on a pig.

(Shout out to Car & Driver, Fox for illustrations)